Bubble Flower

I used to love these chubby, rounded flowers. For some reason, they seemed very happy to me. 

But now, when I look at them, I see a lot of flaws. I see the weird angle of the purple flower bulb. I see exaggerated, bulbous flowers that seem ready to explode with something. I see colors what didn't translate well from paper to digital, etc. Sometimes all I see are the flaws.

So, what has changed? Nothing. The painting (water colored pencils) certainly didn't change since I painted it. So why does it look differently to me now? Because I've changed. Or I had a bad day (which I didn't), etc. Maybe this is a good lesson to remember. That when things (or people) bug me, they didn't change (most likely). But I had, or the perspective I had on it (or the person) changed, and it made all the difference.

For now, I try to remember that I used to love these flower and that my children still like them. And soon enough, I'm sure I'll like these flowers, again.

Pebbled

I finished this about a month ago. I must have wanted to work through an issue, but it must have been reasonably manageable. There aren't too many sharp angles or corners. 

I remember I couldn't decide what to do with this one. I started with the fan design but filled the rest of the white space with the pebble design. It was quite surprising how much fun I had with drawing the pebbles. 

Now, when I look at it, I wish I had gotten rid of the fans and filled the page with pebbles. Maybe that'll be my next design.

Experimentation

This drawing is about pure experimentation, not working out issues. As I get more into drawing, colors, and shapes, I'm becoming more and more curious about colors and shapes.

It wasn't immediate, but I decided I didn't like this one. Something about this drawing seemed messy. I'm not sure if that's the right word, but messy it seems.

I've been using a template to draw the circles, but I like the freehand drawn circles better. So, next time, that's the way I'll draw.

Predicament

The other day my son asked me if I had a problem or an issue because my drawing was full of octagons (lots of sharp corners). So, I told him when I have a really serious problem, I draw spirals with small scales and shapes. I don't have any issue I have to work out right now, but this conversation led me to pick this one for today.

The brick walls represent my son's attitude when I try to talk to him about things he doesn't want to talk with us. But one thing that's great about him is that he always comes around to listening and digesting the conversation in a positive way. SO! If you look at the walls carefully, they are skewed and on sideways, as if they are tumbling down.

Hampered

I felt extremely frustrated by things that were happening in my life when I drew this piece.

I usually draw flowers when I'm happy, or in a more positive mood. But when I look at this, I'm surprised by how the drawing is almost completely covered by the vines. And vines represent emotions to me (at least according to my journals). 

In this drawings, the vines are blanketing the leaves, almost choking the flowers. So, what does that mean? I must have felt hampered, frustrated, but I'd like to think that the flowers are still above the vines. So, I think it's still hopeful.

Experimentation

I was in a wacky mood when I drew these.  I was inspired by a quote from Picasso, which said something like this. I paint what I imagined, not what I see. So, I thought I might create a flower my own. 

I still can't decide whether I like these or not, but my family's reaction is unanimous. They think the flowers, especially the leaves look weird, and they don't like it as much as my other flower drawings. They didn't know what to make of the fuzzy ends on the leaves and asked me about reasons I drew them that way. The funny thing is...I don't know why I drew them that way.

Connections

When I drew this, I was trying to solve a problem (still am), and as I was struggling with that, I came up with this.

Knowing what I know about my drawings, I guess the problem wasn't too bad because the drawing isn't packed with little things. When I'm REALLY stressed out, I draw lots and lots of small things.

Also, I've said this before, but it continues to surprise me that the general tone is almost always brighter than I felt as I was drawing it.

When I finished this drawing, I made a connection I didn't see before, hence the title. It didn't solve everything, but it led me to a partial solution.

Happy Flowers

I prefer plants over cut flowers, but I can deny the fact that the beauty of the flowers affect me in ways I don't expect. I wish I could do them justice, but I just can't. So, here's another version of my flowers.

For whatever reason, these look happy to me. Maybe it's the sunflower-like middle. I don't know.

One of my favorite quotes is from Picasso. Everything you  can imagine is real. 

I see this quote as an inspirational quote, but my daughter said it's scary. Because she can think of scary creatures, and they'd be real, too. I never thought of it that way. I guess light and shadow always dance together.

Have a great day.

Perplexed

I'm trying to figure this one out. 

These are the things I know about myself through drawings and personal journals.
Circles seem to symbolize thoughts. 
Vines seem to represent emotions of the moment.

If you have any ideas, please let me know. 

A little pick me up

This is for pure fun. I've learned to draw this character when I was in 5th grade at an elementary school in Santa Clara. Over the years, this character gave me so much joy, hope, and happiness through the toughest times of my life.

At Cal, I had notebook pages full of this character with many different facial expressions and those funny drawings have kept me going.

Over the years, people have asked me about this dog, and some have suggested that it's a personification of myself (which makes me laugh out loud). Anyhow, I love this character, and I hope I never lose the desire to draw this one even in my 70's (maybe I'll draw them for my grandkids).

Have a great day.

Irregular

I discovered that circles represent thoughts to me (thank goodness for my excessive journal writing), and the vines represent emotions, good or back. However, I think it's interesting that the vines are always pretty much the same color.

One thing I noticed is that I picked weird colors, not the colors I'm naturally drawn to use in my drawings. I don't usually use anything other than green for the vines, but I chose a shade of pink I'm not sure I have anymore.

Though shades might no unfamiliar or even strange, I like how different colors come together. It doesn't mean I like everything about it. There are several places where I wish I had chosen some other color, but it's OK. Maybe I'll create another one some other day.

Have a great day and a wonderful weekend.

Perturbation

I'm feeling particularly perturbed today. I discovered last night that the copyrights of my books were being violated. As I try to deal with it today, It left me with anger, frustration, annoyance, exasperation, etc. 

Among the drawings I've done since mid-July, this one seemed to call out to me today. The general tone of the drawing is darker, and the crowding on the page is reflective of the turmoil I'm experiencing today.

Happiness is a choice, and I'm going to be happy today.

I hope you're happy, too.

Grasp

Earlier in my mother's recovery process, it comforted me to draw circles. I don't know why. They just did. Squares and triangles didn't bring me the comfort and peace I felt with circles. They were like little containers for all the different thoughts I had at the time. If I could contain black and red ones, I thought I could manage through much of anything.

I don't know if I wrote about this already, but through my drawings, I've learned that my "bad" colors are black and red. The worst color for me is red. All the browns and grays are fine. And there's a funny thing about purple. Purple isn't a "bad" color for me, but it's a color I don't like. I don't reach for it very often, and I have to make an effort to find a place for it. Maybe I should look up meanings for each color....

It's probably the scientific part of me that's initiating this interest, but I feel like I have a secret window into my psychological workings. Finding things about myself I never realized....

Have a great day.

Tree of Dreams

Pure fun. That's what this was for me. 

I don't even understand it myself, but I really like drawing vines and tree branches. As I was playing around with it, I came up with this.

What if there was a tree of dreams in each of us? What if there are good dreams and bad dreams hanging from various branches? Do we get to pick which branch we want to take the dreams from? Or do we have to take the ones that are given to us? Who gives the dreams to us? Of is it all us?

I would like to believe I have some control over the dream I pluck from the branches, and I'd like to 

I had a lot of fun drawing this one, and I think I'm going to draw another version of this soon.

Whatever you do today, I hope you have a lot of fun today.

Dragon Feathers

My children named this drawing Dragon Feathers. 

It started off as an exercise in shading and contrast, but after I had added the blades on the top side, my children convinced me that they reminded them of dragon feathers. The thing is...just like the Birds of Paradise flower; they couldn't agree on whether these were "real" dragon feathers that came off of dragons or they were flowers called Dragon Feathers.

I've never taken any "formal" art classes, and I feel as if I'm just starting to experiment with colors and textures. Though most of my drawings have more meaning behind it, this one is for exploration and curiosity.

What are you curious about today?

Have a great day.

Wallpaper II

I drew this because I was happy with my first attempt. What surprises me about a lot of my drawing is that the same drawing looks quite different, at times, when rotated 90 degrees. Unfortunately for this one, it doesn't seem to change the way it looks too much.

Have a great weekend.

Misery

I hate this drawing. All the red areas should have been colored black or something very dark. When I look back, the colors I chose were all wrong.

This drawing brings back all the bad memories what anger and hurt that ensued because my mother thought she was doing what's best for us. But it's an important drawing to me. Maybe one of the most important drawings I've done, because it's taught me a valuable lesson. So, I'll talk about this one today.

I drew this about a week after my mother broke her ankle. Our family was still reeling from the consequences of her being immobile and lack of accommodations at home. In the midst of all this, my mother, for what purpose I still don't understand, withheld some information from some of us and exaggerated the same information to others. Which, of course, led to all kinds of anger and strife among other members of our family. She said she did it to make things better, but I think she did it to manipulate some of us to do that she wanted us to do (which, by the way, had NOTHING to do with her broken ankle!).

Sometimes I learn best by watching others and deciding what not to do. This is the prime case of learning what not to do. I'm vowing never to do such a thing to my children. Whether I can keep that promise or not, I don't know. Whether my children will agree with the statement or not, I can't say. But one thing I promise is never to do that intentionally and do my best not to do it to them. Awareness is the first step, right?

It's incredible how much power parents wield over their children, and mine certainly do over me, especially when they are sick. But that power must be wielded with love and care, not with any other intent. Of course, I'm sure my mother thought she was doing what she did because she loved us and thought she knew what's best for us. I guess these feelings don't change because we get older. 

So..., I'm reminded that I need to trust my children to solve most of their problems (unless it's something really serious). Give them room instead of jumping in even if I feel like I'm doing things out of love and affection. Maybe this is the toughest lesson parents learn and struggle with every day.

Have a nice day.

Spirals

I drew this for me son, but I ended up coloring it. He didn't realize how S-L-O-W and boring the coloring process was, and he got tired of it after coloring in a couple of fins.

My son saw how much I enjoyed drawing and coloring these things, and he wanted to do it, too. But, his goal was to do it as quickly as possible and be done with it. For him, video games helped him work out his problems, not drawing intricate designs and coloring them. Very different from my goal of creating something that soothed my soul and gave me comfort.

Needless to say, this was the first and the last drawing my son tried to finish. I guess he'll find his own way of working through his problems, video games and all. Ultimately, we all have our ways of working through our problems. I tried to remind myself that one way (drawing and coloring) is not better than another (video game playing), even if I think it's a waste of time.

P.S. - My son reminded me of this quote. The time you enjoyed wasting is NOT wasted time.

Have a great day.

Wallpaper

As I said before, I'm not very good at life-like drawings. Picasso said something like this - I draw what I imagine, not what I see. In the same vein, I draw what I imagine and what I can, not what I can't.  

On this day, I wanted to draw a flower to cheer myself, but I failed at drawing a life-like flower. So, when I started playing around with the petal shapes, I ended up with this. Sure, it's not a real flower, but I like it.

In the beginning, all I remembered was the fact that I failed at drawing the flower I wanted to draw, but as this took shape and came alive in color, I felt better and better.

My husband said it reminded him of a wallpaper design, hence the title, but he assured me he liked it. But the point of these drawings for me, ultimately, isn't about whether anyone else likes it or not. It's all about the joy, the comfort, and the peace of mind I gained from drawing and coloring them.

I've done several more drawings with this flower and vine design, and I like them all. I'll share them with you in the future.

I had a lot of fun drawing and coloring it. Does it show?

Have a great day!

Puzzling

I've heard a woman say, some of the fascinating people she's ever met were her children. And I agree. But as they grow, they're getting more and more difficult to figure out and understand. I guess it's like that when they hit puberty.

My son was going through some issues, some real and some imagined, and I tried to "help" him. But it didn't get the reaction I expected, and somehow it seemed as if my efforts to "help" him made matters worse.

As I was mulling through all that, I created this. I drew the spirals because I felt as if we were all spiraling through chaos. Then drawing the little scale-like leaves made me feel better. It's weird. Smaller the better. I didn't know why that should be, but it was.

The middle of the spirals were left blank because I didn't know what belonged there. I still don't. My son liked the drawing, and I asked him what he wanted in the drawing. He said he didn't know, even after I explained the drawing to him. So, as it stands, it's incomplete. But it may never be "completed," but I like it. Incomplete and all. Maybe this is what life is all about - trying to figure things out as we live day by day.

Float

This week was a tough week for me. Though I'm an adult, it's surprising how easily my mother's mood could affect mine. 

Today, when I sat down to draw, I felt more positive and hopeful. As I was madly erasing my failed attempt at drawing a flower, came across this shape, and I thought I could do something with it.

Two plus hours later, I had this. 

What surprised me about this piece was that it wasn't bright enough. I definitely felt happier and more hopeful when I was working on this piece. Hmm.... 

I know I've said this many times before, but it's amazing how much I'm learning about myself through drawing and coloring.

I'm not sure if these are jellyfishes floating in the ocean or small flower pod floating in the air somewhere. But just like these, I hope my worries will just float away.

Have a great day.

Crowded

I remember this one for all the wrong reasons. I was feeling particularly troubled, and I felt as if my head was crawling with worms. What an image, right? All of them going in every which way. No order. No logic. Nothing. All of them just crawling in chaos. 

After I had finished it, I was surprised by the colors in the drawing. They were much brighter than I expected.

I've always been an optimist, and maybe the colors I used reflect that aspect of my personality. Luckily, no more worms crawling in my head.

Have a great day.

Blossoms

I draw flowers when I'm happy or when I want to experiment with shading and colors. I drew this piece after we reached a decision about the first group of issues about my mother's care.

By no means did I feel carefree, but I did feel a sense of burden lifting, at least a little. I could fall asleep before 3 or 4 in the morning. 

This drawing is much better in the original. For whatever reason, I can't seem to get the original colors on the digital file.

Enjoy your day.

Loopily

On this journey of self-discovery, I've learned that when I draw loops, it means I'm happy. I don't know why that should be, but it seems that way, so far. Thank goodness for corresponding journals and drawings.

What makes you happy? 

Do something for yourself today, even if it's making loopy drawings on your notepad.

Unfurled, again.

This one is for me. I had a lot of fun drawing the first one, so I decided to do another one.

I don't know why, but something about the shape made me feel happy. I'm pretty sure this shape is not a "happy" shape for a lot of people, but it was and still is for me.

I've noticed, just now, that the knots in the center are really small. Maybe, even then, when I thought we had insurmountable problems, my subconscious was telling me that they are all small and manageable. Maybe my mind was telling me - Don't Sweat the Small Stuff.

I love the fact that I'm discovering all these things about myself.

Maybe you should start doodling and find out surprising things about yourselves.

Enjoy your day!

Thoughts

Sometimes it's difficult to get rid of negative thoughts in my head, especially when I'm gnawing at a confounding problem that seems to have no solution. Or at least a solution that seems acceptable to me.

I came home from visiting my mother, and I couldn't get rid of the negativity of her mood from my thoughts. It was interesting how one strong negative thought polluted every happy thought and every good thing that happened.

I don't know why I chose circles over squares, but I did.

Later, when I looked back and reread my journal entries, I've learned that squares represent complex problems and circles represent thoughts, good and bad. The thing I enjoy about drawing in conjunction with writing a journal is that I learn new and surprising things about myself.

Have a great day!

Direction

Another one of my late night creations. 

I drew these lines wishing I had a clear look at what's ahead and where we were all heading with my mother's accident. I was tired, but couldn't sleep. I was looking for direction, but every one of the choices seemed walled-off or strewn with obstacles.

This one was too simple to give me much relief from anxieties after drawing and coloring it. If I were to draw this again, I think I'd use more intricate patterns.

I opened a shop on Etsy with a lot of encouragement from my family and friends. I've got more drawings on file, but I've only uploaded eleven so far. 

Jennifer's Etsy shop called JKRArts

Well, thanks for your time and have a great day!

Mosaic Flowers

I'm not very good at drawing still life of any kind. In fact, they turn out quite cartoonish. So, I decided to create flowers of my own. 

Initially, I drew the petals thinking they'd be leaves of some kind, but when I arranged them in a circular pattern, they looked quite good. Then I added the leaves in the back, but I didn't know I'd color them as leaves. I had considered coloring them as a second row of petals. Maybe I need to create another one with that plan in mind.

When you see a drawing like this, where I'm creating patterns in blank spaces between the main objects, I'm trying to figure some things out in my mind. I was mulling over many, many options in my mother's care, and I didn't know, which one was the right choice. As I continued to fill in the blank spaces, my mind cleared more and more, and I whittled my choices down to two.

Though I see some mistakes I've made in this drawing, whenever I see this piece, I think of the solution it ultimately brought to me.

This piece actually looks much better in the original. Maybe I need to try to work on it more in Pixlr.com.

Have a great day.

Capes

I don't plan a drawing, let alone come up with a title at the time of drawing. But I do try to come up with a title when I'm blogging about the drawing. So, when I was staring at this piece just now, I was thinking wings? Fans? Feathers? Then I thought of Capes.

I couldn't sleep and drew this 1 am in the morning. 

Though there are plenty of bright colors, the overall tone is darker, and it makes sense to me. I was overwrought with worry, but just as this drawing had comforted me, I hope the capes in the drawing provides comfort for the imaginary wearers.

Have a fun day!

Pieces

Since my mother's accident, I feel as if I'm frantically trying to keep the pieces of our lives together or in balance, and on one sleepless night, I decided to draw. 

My children have told me they could see several images in this drawing, such as a cat's face, a dog's tail, a bird, a shark tooth, a dog's face, etc. I think it's amusing that they can see so many things in a drawing when I hadn't intended any of them to be there.

All my drawings were done when I needed to work some issue or issues out in my head. Maybe you should create one of your own and try to find as many things in it as possible.

Have a great day.

Distraction

I don't have plans when I draw. I draw what comes to mind at the time, using the colors that seem to pull me. But the funny thing is,when I look back at the things in the painting, shapes and colors, they make sense.

Usually, spirals and curly-cues seem to represent hopes, dreams, and aspirations. However, when I was drawing this, my mind was crammed full of worries, conflicting decisions, etc., and I felt as if my head was going to burst.

Again, looking back, I'm surprised by the bright colors I chose, but I've always been an optimist.

Have a great day!

Anew

I started drawing in mid-July, but I've been trying to upload them in chronological order to show the progression of my journey. However, there are drawings that just begs to be shown earlier. So, here it goes.

I have done similar drawings in colored pencils, but I wanted to try it with watercolor pencils this time. Though I wish I could have done things more cleanly, I'm quite happy with how this turned out.

These days I don't need to work out the issues as much as I had done earlier, but I still enjoy drawing very much. It's strange how therapeutic it is for me.

Have a great day!

Unfurling

To be honest, I wasn't thinking about titles when I drew and colored in these pictures. I drew what made me feel better at the time and picked the colors that seemed "right" for no apparent reason but that it was "right."

I saw a book on Buddhist Mandala's at a Barnes and Noble store a while back, and I was very intrigued by the intricate designs. This design isn't exactly what I remembered seeing in the book, but drawing the curvy, unfurling of curly-cues made me feel better. There was a knot of worry in my heart, and it felt as if it loosened a bit in the process of drawing the design.

Enjoy and have a great day.

Flow

I drew the center of this piece first, the area that looks like an eye. With all the worries and concerns about my mother's health, healing, and care, I prayed. And I initially drew that thinking I would make that into an all-seeing eye of God kind of thing.  But when I drew in the eye, it looked more creepy than anything else. So, I thought I'd make it into something more comforting than creepy.

Again, I couldn't fall asleep, and I drew the wavy lines that came to mind. The flowing lines reminded me of a flow of water, the flow of life, etc., that all things, good or bad, come and go. And the colors I chose were the colors that drew me in at the time, with worries and fear crowding my mind. When I finished and looked back, I was happy to note that it turned out brighter than I expected.

Another interesting about myself, my favorite colors are green and blue. But the first two colors I use on each of my drawings are sunflower yellow/golden yellow and orange.

I can't say enough how much better I feel each time I finish one of these drawings. Sometimes it takes me an hour or two. Sometimes it takes me more than 10 hours, almost 20 hours. But my goal is not to finish, but to find some kind of healing through the drawing process.

Why don't you give it a try? Anything will do.

Quandary

I didn't know it then, but I started my therapeutic drawings on the evening of my mother's accident. She broke her ankle, and it was a devastating injury for her (she had suffered a stroke a long time ago, so this compounded care issues). I didn't know where to begin. Who will take care of her? Where will she go? Will she walk and be independent, again? So many issues....

There's a drawing titled Despair that comes between Before and Quandary, but for now, I don't want to look at that piece. Also, I didn't re-do it on a bigger canvas, so it only exists on small, journal-sized paper. 

Coming back to Quandary, this is a drawing that helped me figure out what we must do with the issue of my mother's care.

I don't even remember why I made these things in the heart shapes. I remember trying very hard to fit as many squares inside each heart shape without making it overly crowded. It took me almost two hours to draw the squares and another two or so to color them. 

I didn't care that the squares weren't perfect. 

I didn't care that my coloring wasn't smooth. 

All I cared was that the simple task of drawing squares and coloring them in kept me sane and even-keel.

I don't know if this will be a solution for you, but try it, especially if you have a big problem you need to mull over.

When I looked back at my drawings and journals, I realized that I drew squares or rectangles (or anything with corners) when I was wrestling with BIG problems that seemed to have no solutions. Or at least no good solutions. It was a surprise for me to discover this about myself.

Enjoy!

Before

The title of this drawing is Before because it was based on the doodling I did in my journal the day before the major event.

It was a quiet evening, and I was on my own enjoying the peace. I was happy when I drew this. I was thinking about going back to work, my book possibilities, my science project business ideas, etc., and I felt there were possibilities everywhere. That these curly-cues could have represented the possibilities, I'm not sure. But I imagined them straightening out and reaching far beyond the limits of the canvas (or maybe the perceived boundaries of my life right now).